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What I learned in 2017

So, I have decided, I'm not really the biggest fan of putting up a list of my New Year's Resolutions, because when I inevitably fail on 90% of them, it's a bit shitty to have the published list to look back on at the end of the year. I still obviously have goals for 2018 which I may briefly mention, but overall this post is more of a look back on what I've learned in the year 2017 and, I suppose, indirectly, what I hope 2018 will be like having learned these things.

FRIENDSHIPS/RELATIONSHIPS

#1. How lucky I am for the good friends I have around me.

I know I say this a lot but honestly I sit and think sometimes, what the EFF would I do without my friends. It would be a whole other lengthy blogpost if I explained all the times I have needed my friends this year but it is safe to say I honestly do not know what I would have done without them. This includes my friends who have been around for years, but also more recent friends I have made since September when I moved to Dublin. I have only known some of these people 4 months and they have honestly helped get me through some of the worst days and shittiest things and I am so so thankful and grateful that they exist.

Not even being dramatic here but I really think I would have dropped out of my Masters already if it wasn't for my friends, both old and new. When it comes to romantic relationships, I am now so careful not to end up dependent on the other person because of how awful it feels when they leave, but the BOOTIFUL thing about adult friendships you make is that 90% of the time, they're not going anywhere and encourage you to depend on them and lean on them whenever you need to. And that is an amazing thing to have, one I think everybody needs.

#2. How happy it makes me to see the people I love happy.

In 2017, one of my best friends in the world got married in the most beautiful ceremony and reception ever in Portugal, and I cried from the minute I saw her walk up the aisle to the minute the ceremony ended because I was so overwhelming happy to see someone I love and someone so deserving of happiness, on the happiest day of her life, surrounded by everyone she loves.

Also this past year, another one of my best friends, Clare, moved to New York - her favourite place in the world - on a graduate visa and I have just seen her blossom and meet amazing people and do amazing jobs that have made her realise her potential and just what she has to offer the world and how valuable she is to the people around her

(P.s. Her blog: https://breakfastathummingbird.wordpress.com - it's amaze).

#3. How shitty people can be, and how its not your fault. (Also read: Trust your gut).

On more than one occasion this year, I ended up blaming myself for things going wrong in relationships/whatever-you-want-to-call-the-"exclusive"-stage-before-relationships. I figured that when everything seemed to go pear-shaped with everyone I met and remotely fell for, that I was the common denominator in each situation and thus it must be me. However, I have learned that when people treat you like shit, that is a reflection on them, not you. Think about it, it's not normal behaviour to treat another human being like they don't matter while telling them that they do matter, or not caring about how you make someone feel while acting like you care about them. That's pretty f*cked that anyone would act that way when you think about it.

If somebody treats you like they don't care about you, believe them. Stop making excuses for people. I am guilty of doing this because I never want to believe that I've been so wrong about someone, when the truth is you have to trust your gut sometimes, and if your gut is telling you something isn't right, believe it. Actions speak louder than words. Someone can tell you every single thing you want to hear because they know you want to hear it, and have zero intentions of acting on it, or are telling someone else the exact same thing. You deserve better. Not second best. Bye Felicia.

#4. People will use you

This applies to both friendships and relationships. If you are a pushover and let people walk all over you, never voicing how it makes you feel, then its never going to stop and those people are always going to push you around. Stand your ground, don't say yes if you want to say no, and make it crystal clear that you're not the kind of person other people can use to get to what they want, whoever these people may be.

COLLEGE

#5. Masters are bloody hard

Okay, so I was under no illusion doing a Masters would be easy under any circumstances, but I don't think I was fully prepared for just how much it takes out of you. Don't get me wrong, I love the course I chose, it's really interesting and I'm glad I did it, but MAN ALIVE is it exhausting. Never-ending assignments, readings and group projects, late nights and early mornings and overall exhaustion. I've had a month off for my Christmas holidays and I've never needed it more in my life, even just being able to catch up on the last 4 months of sleep deprivation and watch Netflix without feeling guilty that I should be doing one of 748 assignments has been BLISS. I'm looking forward to starting this second semester because I think I will enjoy the modules a lot, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't going to take full advantage of this last weekend at home - eating and sleeping as much as I can.

#6. Procrastination

This is something I have MAJOR issues with - in college and life in general. I don't know why, but I find it SO hard to concentrate on things like assignments and like life shit that needs to get done, even though I know it's important, I just will do absolutely anything to avoid it or to justify putting off starting it. I annoy myself when I do this so I'm going to try reeeeally hard to make a plan for each day of what I have to do and STICK to it, because it bothers me in my SOUL when I can't tick things off my to-do list because I've watched seven Oprah's Greatest Moments videos on YouTube instead of starting my assignments.

LIFE

#7. Anxiety is a b*tch

This one is pretty self-explanatory and chances are at least somebody reading this knows how it feels and let's face it, it's a BIATCH. I hate the word "suffered".. so I'm going to say "experienced." I have experienced anxiety for over five years now on and off, sometimes it's totally manageable and I can get on with life as normal, and other times not so much.

In November I went through a particularly rough stage of it for about a month, maybe longer, and I found it really difficult to concentrate on college and things I knew were important and I had to get done. But yet again, my friends came to the fore and got me through. It is so important to talk to people you trust when you're feeling shitty, there is absolutely no sense in trying to keep it to yourself, because you'll just end up feeling worse. Talk to your friends, or a professional or both, talk to your doctor if you're worried it's lasting a long time and maybe you need some more help. There is no shame in it, literally every second person you meet has most likely suffered from some kind of mental health difficulty at some stage - no matter how mild or severe - and 9 times out of 10 people are willing to help you get through it in any way they can. Going back to the dependency thing, this is another time where it's totally okay to lean on people. You're only human.

Sh*t I am leaving in 2017:

Taking sh*t from people/giving people more chances than they deserve/Making excuses for people

Not trusting my gut and allowing people to convince me I'm overreacting when I'm not

Procrastination

Being afraid

Giving attention to negative people or negative things

FOMO

Attempting to like avocados

Thank you so much for reading if you got to the end of this ramble, and I hope this might have helped you in some way to recognise things in your own life that you need to focus on or let go of. And if anyone has been going through a shitty time, you will get out the other side I promise, 2018 will be better. Sending you virtual hugs and lots of love.

Síofra

✗

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Final Year: What I've Learned

So somehow I have managed to get through my final year in college and out the other side and I can happily say - I am FINISHED MY DEGREE! *praise hands emoji* *crosses fingers re: no repeats*

There were most definitely times throughout the year when I wanted to pack it all in and just drop out, where I felt like I couldn't do it and that I just didn't want to anymore, and where I felt like all my motivation had just vanished. If you have just finished your final year in college (or even secondary school) I'm sure you can relate to the feelings I've mentioned. The important thing to remind yourself is this: Speed doesn't matter, forward is forward. Don't be so hard on yourself, you're doing the best you can.

SO, in order to somehow explain how I appear to have got through my final year of university - a feat, in September, I believed to be impossible - I would like to share with you some of the things I think led me to getting here. I hope these help you if you are starting your final year - or any difficult year in school/college/life soon!

1. Balance

I'm putting this first as I think it is truly one of the most important things to ensure that your final year workload does not result in a mental breakdown. Although many breakdowns happened throughout the year - to be expected, you're not crazy - I think these would have increased tenfold if I hadn't introduced a little thing called balance into the mix. Balance with regard to final year for me meant finding the balance between college work/assignments/final year project/studying, my job, my social life and Me Time. This is no mean feat however, but I truly believe if you do everything you can to find this balance you will be much happier and more successful in your final year because of it. Often the people who do nothing but study and live in the library fall down in happiness and social aspects of life and as a result it is difficult to concentrate and do well. During final year, I probably went out once every week - something I didn't think I'd have time to do - and made sure to make time to see my friends outside of that too, whether this was between study breaks for a quick cup of tea, or late at night on my way home from the library - wherever you can squeeze in this time, try your hardest! These things will keep you sane, even if it's just for half an hour, I found it put me in a better mindset to work afterwards. Also having these things to look forward to, planning a trip or a night out or even just a coffee date with a friend or some Me Time to get your nails done or go for a walk or put on a face mask - these little things will get you through the long days and weeks. Promise.

2. Support

Again, friends come in very useful at this step (don't they always?), as do family in my case. I can honestly say, without my friends and family keeping me sane and telling me I could do it when all I wanted to do was pack it in, I would not have finished final year - not even being dramatic here. In all aspects of my life I know I can turn to my friends and family when things go pear-shaped or when I just need to vent or for them to tell me I'm not crazy and that I can do things even if I feel like I can't. This reliance on them definitely increased in final year and I am eternally grateful to them for being there for the study breaks for coffee or tea or ice cream or a drive, or even just to listen to me freaking out and offer kind words of support - they are truly the best people in the world. Keep them close, whoever this support network may be for you.

3. Organisation

Unfortunately, being organised in final year is an important one. The best way for me to stay organised in life in general is to make to-do lists and also to keep a diary (as in, the type that tells you what date it is). By making to-do lists broken down into each day, I found that the amount I had to do was less overwhelming when it was broken down into feasible tasks I could complete and tick off daily (and we all know the sense of accomplishment that comes with ticking things off a list). Also, keeping a diary was useful for keeping track of deadlines, exam dates, meetings with my FYP supervisor and things like that. Coming up to exam time, I also found it useful to make a study plan, again making the insane workload seem more manageable by breaking it down into bite sized pieces.

Top Tip: Being organised is actually fun when you use nice stationary - TK Maxx and Paperchase are my absolutely favourites for cute notebooks and diaries.

4. End goal

This is definitely an important one to get you through the days where you feel like you should probably just set up camp in the library because you're there so much, and you're questioning are the sleep-deprived nights and countless hours of work really worth it. This is when you need to envision your end goal - however short or long term that may be. For some people it might be a more long term goal like getting onto a Masters programme or securing their dream job. For me this year my goal was simply to graduate (and do well obviously) so I could leave and go somewhere else. A different county, a different country - wherever as long as I get to leave! It doesn't matter how big, small, long-term or short-term your end goal is, as long as you have something to work towards it will motivate you so much on those days when the going gets tough. Remind yourself that you just have to get through this difficult part to get to where you want to be. Oprah says so, and let's be real here, Oprah knows what she's talking about.

5. Don't compare

If you compare yourself to others in your class or friend group, trust me this is not a helpful thing to do. You are all different people, everybody studies differently, works differently, time manages differently, is motivated by different things, deals with stress differently etc. Thus, comparing what you are doing to what others are doing will just make you feel as though you're doing something wrong or not doing enough when that may not be the case. For example, there will be people who get up at 6am to start studying and go to bed early. Then there are others who study better later in the day and can handle doing late nights. Each to their own - you do not need to be like anybody else. Do your own thing, work away at your own pace in your own way, keeping in mind what needs to be done and when, and trust me things WILL work out. Just because you're not doing the exact same thing everyone else is doing doesn't mean you're going to succeed any less (unless of course you're just not studying at all and join the travelling circus. Then, obviously, the end result of that would not be the same as other people's study routes).

You are your own person, and this applies in all areas of life, we are constantly told and telling people not to compare themselves to others with regard to what we look like or where we live or how many material items we have - so why do it when it comes to work ethic and study routine? Work hard, do it whatever way you feel works well for you and you will succeed.

6. Eat well

I am guilty of not adhering to this one which is why I have included it. My diet in final year tended to consist of a really good breakfast but then every other meal was mainly a chocolate bar and tea/coffee, before eating dinner at like 10pm. NOT A GOOD IDEA PEOPLE. Because my body (and mind) weren't getting the nutrients they needed at the right pace throughout the day, I constantly felt exhausted. I know it is difficult to manage your food intake when you are in the library all day but it will benefit you so much if you just take half an hour the night before to prepare a few things you can take with you. Whether you bring leftovers in a tupperware box or bring some fruit and cereal bars to keep you going - this will be more beneficial to you and your concentration (fruit and veg are key!) than a stable diet of Crunchies and coffee. Trust me! However, you do have to allow yourself the Crunchie and coffee breaks from time to time (perhaps once a day instead of four times), its all about balance after all! Also try your best to fit in a good breakfast in the morning, it really kickstarts your body and mind for the day (favourite breakfasts post coming up soon!)

If you do feel fatigued - go to the pharmacy and get yourself some vitamins - tell the pharmacist how you're feeling and they will know which ones to recommend to you to improve how you feel. Being deprived of sleep and having a questionable diet in final year can really take its toll on how you feel and also how well you work and concentrate, so giving your body that extra bit of help with some vitamins you may be lacking is never a bad idea. I would also recommend exercise of any sort to help you clear your mind and relieve stress - I can't say I did this but I know people who made sure to include exercise in their routines in the week and when stress levels got high - they were the ones who were cool, calm and collected! Plus there are probably billions of scientific research studies which prove how beneficial exercise in stressful times can be.

7. Notice every achievement

One way to keep your motivation levels high is to take a step back and really notice when you achieve something - no matter how small it is. Whether it is getting an assignment finished the day before the deadline rather than the hour before, or getting 1000 words written in your thesis that day instead of 10, or making it through a class presentation without passing out - all of these are reasons to be proud of yourself. Congratulate yourself on these seemingly small achievements - they all come together bit by bit to contribute to your final grade so each little thing matters! Doing this will also make you more motivated to take on the next task as you feel a sense of accomplishment.

I hope this post has been helpful to any of you who are going into your final year in school or college or university this Autumn and need a little bit of reassurance that things will be okay, and some advice on how to change your mindset when things may feel like they are spiralling out of control (it happens to everyone, some people are just better at hiding it). If it helped you, please share it with someone else you think might benefit from it too!

I wish you the very best of luck whatever you are taking on, if I can do it and get out the other side then you can, trust me :)

Thank you for reading,

(I rambled as per usual, apologies)

Siofra

✗

Photo sources: Pinterest and my class mates

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