So, I have decided, I'm not really the biggest fan of putting up a list of my New Year's Resolutions, because when I inevitably fail on 90% of them, it's a bit shitty to have the published list to look back on at the end of the year. I still obviously have goals for 2018 which I may briefly mention, but overall this post is more of a look back on what I've learned in the year 2017 and, I suppose, indirectly, what I hope 2018 will be like having learned these things.
FRIENDSHIPS/RELATIONSHIPS
#1. How lucky I am for the good friends I have around me.
I know I say this a lot but honestly I sit and think sometimes, what the EFF would I do without my friends. It would be a whole other lengthy blogpost if I explained all the times I have needed my friends this year but it is safe to say I honestly do not know what I would have done without them. This includes my friends who have been around for years, but also more recent friends I have made since September when I moved to Dublin. I have only known some of these people 4 months and they have honestly helped get me through some of the worst days and shittiest things and I am so so thankful and grateful that they exist.
Not even being dramatic here but I really think I would have dropped out of my Masters already if it wasn't for my friends, both old and new. When it comes to romantic relationships, I am now so careful not to end up dependent on the other person because of how awful it feels when they leave, but the BOOTIFUL thing about adult friendships you make is that 90% of the time, they're not going anywhere and encourage you to depend on them and lean on them whenever you need to. And that is an amazing thing to have, one I think everybody needs.
#2. How happy it makes me to see the people I love happy.
Also this past year, another one of my best friends, Clare, moved to New York - her favourite place in the world - on a graduate visa and I have just seen her blossom and meet amazing people and do amazing jobs that have made her realise her potential and just what she has to offer the world and how valuable she is to the people around her
(P.s. Her blog: https://breakfastathummingbird.wordpress.com - it's amaze).
#3. How shitty people can be, and how its not your fault. (Also read: Trust your gut).
On more than one occasion this year, I ended up blaming myself for things going wrong in relationships/whatever-you-want-to-call-the-"exclusive"-stage-before-relationships. I figured that when everything seemed to go pear-shaped with everyone I met and remotely fell for, that I was the common denominator in each situation and thus it must be me. However, I have learned that when people treat you like shit, that is a reflection on them, not you. Think about it, it's not normal behaviour to treat another human being like they don't matter while telling them that they do matter, or not caring about how you make someone feel while acting like you care about them. That's pretty f*cked that anyone would act that way when you think about it.
If somebody treats you like they don't care about you, believe them. Stop making excuses for people. I am guilty of doing this because I never want to believe that I've been so wrong about someone, when the truth is you have to trust your gut sometimes, and if your gut is telling you something isn't right, believe it. Actions speak louder than words. Someone can tell you every single thing you want to hear because they know you want to hear it, and have zero intentions of acting on it, or are telling someone else the exact same thing. You deserve better. Not second best. Bye Felicia.
#4. People will use you
This applies to both friendships and relationships. If you are a pushover and let people walk all over you, never voicing how it makes you feel, then its never going to stop and those people are always going to push you around. Stand your ground, don't say yes if you want to say no, and make it crystal clear that you're not the kind of person other people can use to get to what they want, whoever these people may be.
COLLEGE
#5. Masters are bloody hard
Okay, so I was under no illusion doing a Masters would be easy under any circumstances, but I don't think I was fully prepared for just how much it takes out of you. Don't get me wrong, I love the course I chose, it's really interesting and I'm glad I did it, but MAN ALIVE is it exhausting. Never-ending assignments, readings and group projects, late nights and early mornings and overall exhaustion. I've had a month off for my Christmas holidays and I've never needed it more in my life, even just being able to catch up on the last 4 months of sleep deprivation and watch Netflix without feeling guilty that I should be doing one of 748 assignments has been BLISS. I'm looking forward to starting this second semester because I think I will enjoy the modules a lot, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't going to take full advantage of this last weekend at home - eating and sleeping as much as I can.
#6. Procrastination
This is something I have MAJOR issues with - in college and life in general. I don't know why, but I find it SO hard to concentrate on things like assignments and like life shit that needs to get done, even though I know it's important, I just will do absolutely anything to avoid it or to justify putting off starting it. I annoy myself when I do this so I'm going to try reeeeally hard to make a plan for each day of what I have to do and STICK to it, because it bothers me in my SOUL when I can't tick things off my to-do list because I've watched seven Oprah's Greatest Moments videos on YouTube instead of starting my assignments.
LIFE
#7. Anxiety is a b*tch
This one is pretty self-explanatory and chances are at least somebody reading this knows how it feels and let's face it, it's a BIATCH. I hate the word "suffered".. so I'm going to say "experienced." I have experienced anxiety for over five years now on and off, sometimes it's totally manageable and I can get on with life as normal, and other times not so much. In November I went through a particularly rough stage of it for about a month, maybe longer, and I found it really difficult to concentrate on college and things I knew were important and I had to get done. But yet again, my friends came to the fore and got me through. It is so important to talk to people you trust when you're feeling shitty, there is absolutely no sense in trying to keep it to yourself, because you'll just end up feeling worse. Talk to your friends, or a professional or both, talk to your doctor if you're worried it's lasting a long time and maybe you need some more help. There is no shame in it, literally every second person you meet has most likely suffered from some kind of mental health difficulty at some stage - no matter how mild or severe - and 9 times out of 10 people are willing to help you get through it in any way they can. Going back to the dependency thing, this is another time where it's totally okay to lean on people. You're only human.
Sh*t I am leaving in 2017:
- Taking sh*t from people/giving people more chances than they deserve/Making excuses for people
- Not trusting my gut and allowing people to convince me I'm overreacting when I'm not
- Procrastination
- Being afraid
- Giving attention to negative people or negative things
- FOMO
- Attempting to like avocados
Thank you so much for reading if you got to the end of this ramble, and I hope this might have helped you in some way to recognise things in your own life that you need to focus on or let go of. And if anyone has been going through a shitty time, you will get out the other side I promise, 2018 will be better. Sending you virtual hugs and lots of love.
Síofra
✗
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